Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
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