I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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