Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
