Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
