big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
