I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
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