Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
