Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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