the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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