i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
