You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
