This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
