Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
and you fell through a lawn chair
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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