Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
