dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
