That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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