can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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