Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
