that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We need to get me chipped asap
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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