dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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