Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
