quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
