my phone needs a breathalizer
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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