Already got asked if we're dating
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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