She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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