So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
