mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
