I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
