I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
