From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the day after is always just damage control
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
