we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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