just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
