The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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