I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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