That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
