My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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