I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
