last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
