As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
