loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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