just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
