Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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