tonight lets celebrate not being married
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
