She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
