Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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