why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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