So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Randomize
