the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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