Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
