Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
