She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
