It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
