Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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