i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
