I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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