Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
