Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
