Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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