I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
