I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
