If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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