I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
