i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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