Ambien. No doubt about it.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Text me some of your sweat
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
