DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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