pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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