I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
